I started this blog a few months ago mainly because I finally joined the 21st Century and figured out what Google Reader was all about. I subscribed to several blogs, and it was fun! I wanted to join in the party!
Also, perhaps secondarily, I felt like I was getting rolled by technology, and if I didn’t keep up, I’d never be employable again, if I should ever need to get a job. Learning to use blogging software was a fun challenge. I love to write, I’m unafraid of technology, and I have time on my hands. It seemed like a win all around.
I was not sure what the blog would even be about, and the Self-Stitched September fell into my lap, so I started writing about sewing and knitting. I rode the high of the SSS through the month, and even a little bit into October. And then something happened. A few somethings, I guess.
1. I joined the Board of Directors for a non-profit organization
2. My sewing room was all torn to hell for 8 weeks
3. My son started having a lot more needs
4. I accidentally started working (just 5-10 hours a week, driving a friend who has a visual impairment)
I stopped sewing. I ran out of time for everything. I got writer’s block.
So now what? What shall I do about this blog? I know other people probably struggle with similar life experiences and similar questions. Who is this blog for? What am I writing about? Why? Who reads this? What do they want to read? Am I being authentic, or just putting on a persona? What am I trying to do here? What’s my goal — just get thoughts out of my head, parlay my ideas into a lucrative business, find camaraderie, write just because I like to write, what?
I want to live up to the namesake and Live In RED, but lots of days I am just muddling through. Trying to keep from slipping into the grey abyss. Learning to write a blog was exciting and fun. It sparked my creativity. But now I am having to tap my creativity to help fundraise and to case manage my son’s care. It isn’t always fun, but it takes time and energy. And it takes a certain amount of brain space to remain upbeat, let’s face it.
I guess I don’t know what comes next, and none of us ever really do, despite all our planning. I do want to remain open to whatever happens next, and be optimistic about what opportunities and ideas arise.
Do you ever get to a point in life when you say, “Now what?”