It’s not that my boy is needing all my attention or driving me crazy. It’s not that I can’t go do the things I want to do. It’s just, well, I guess it’s just me. I crave the routine more than I thought. I like knowing he is safely at school while I do my little habitual activities. Having him home reminds me that I should be pulling out the art projects or taking him to a museum or something more motherly than I am doing. Instead I am allowing him to play video games to his heart’s content, days on end. He is 17, after all. It’s his life. Meanwhile I am reading my blog subscriptions, wasting time on Facebook, working Ken-Ken puzzles, and reading Off the Wall: Death in Yosemite. Really.
I bought this book for Husband for Christmas. It explains all the known deaths to ever take place in Yosemite National Park. While visiting the Grand Canyon a few years ago, I found its predecessor Death in the Canyon in one of the gift shops. I was able to secret it away during all of vacation and give it to him months later as a gift. He loves that kind of thing. When I first moved in with him I saw a book in his bookcase about the airplane that crashed in the Andes and the survivors had to eat each other to stay alive. Shudder.
It’s horrifying, really. I don’t know what is compelling about it, but I cannot put the book down. There is a smugness in thinking, “I will never be rappelling of El Capitan, so I will never have to face these horrors.” However, the most common way to die in Yosemite is from a car accident. Same as in my regular, non-extreme sports life.
Even if this book wasn’t so interesting, I would probably just find another way to fritter away my day. I know that if I try to do something like draft a jeans pattern, that will be the time my son decides he “needs” me. I’ll be all hunkered down in my studio and he will call for help with his game, or he will want a snack, or he will be bored and want company. And that would make me all impatient and pissy, which I would rather not have happen. I suppose I should just allow myself to be on break too. Life is full enough of physical therapy, doctor’s appointments, meetings, etc. There will be time enough after school resumes to get out of my pj’s and into some fabulous me-made clothes!